Champion of Manasses Virginia

More Facts About Rock and Roll, by Mitch Masterson (guitarist of the Hardcore Jollies)....

Fact #3)  To this day, Elton John still remains Manasses Virginia's reigning arm wrestling champion of the world.

     In the year 1987, Elton John, not only won his first Grammy Award, but happenstance also brought him fame amongst an entirely different circle of admirers.  The awe inspiring vocal stylings of Elton John, Dionne Warwick, Gladys Knight and Stevie Wonder featured in the hit single, That's What Friends Are For, was more than just a feel good ode encouraging camaraderie amongst neighbors.  It was a creed that Elton adhered to and hoped to spread through song and example.  So when friend and strength training mentor, Sylvestor Stallone beckoned Elton to participate in a celebrity fund raising event, it was no surprise that the dainty do-gooder would heed the call.

     The event, held in Manassas Virginia, served not only as a fund raiser, but as a promotional vehicle for the release of Sly Stallone's upcoming blockbuster film, Over the Top.  In addition to garnering hype for the new flick, it was Stallone's goal to raise 1 million dollars to fight starving children.  He hoped to eliminate every last starving child from the planet.  Celebrities were slated to compete against one another and against professional arm wrestlers from around the world.  Notable participants included Danny Devito, Michael J Fox, Richard Simmons, Tom Selleck, and Sally Struthers, just to name a few.  These luminaries proved to be no match for Elton as he handily conquered every one of his constituents round after round.

     The other faction of guests included experienced athletes in the sport of arm wrestling.  Sly Stallone invited members of the Greco Herculean Dionysius World Legion(GHDWL***see footnote for explanation) to compete.  Members of the GHDWL claim to be direct descendants of Roman arm wrestling champions from over 2 milleniem ago.

  

This is where the plot thickens.... 

     Two years prior, Sly Stallone challenged GHDWL champion, Ivan Denisovich, for the world crown.  The match lasted 3 biscept exhausting hours.  Sly finally succumbed to the force of Ivan's muscular brutality and was left with nothing more than the bitter taste of defeat.  As time passed, revenge began to encapsulated his being.  Sly being sly, harnessed these emotions and formulated an unorthadox path to arm wrestling greatness.  He decided that he could be more influential as a mentor, rather than a conqueror.  Whom other than, Elton John, would be a more unexpected apprentice?  If Sly could teach a homosexual, pop-song, writing pianist the intricate nuances of arm wrestling, then he could teach anybody.

     On Friday, January 31st, 1988, after months of 'innocent' strength training by Sly Stallone, his long time friend and strength training apprentice, Elton John, challenged Ivan Denisovich, the reigning world arm wrestling champion of the GHDWL League at the fund raising event.  After 2 minutes and 35 seconds Ivan surrendered the crown to Elton.  To this day, because of obscure GHDWL rules and corruption within the league, Elton John remains the true arm wrestling Champion of the world in Manasses Virginia.

***it is important to note that the GHDWL should not be confused with the IAWC(Intersexual Arm Wrestling Champions).  Enthusiasts of the sport are aware of the many rule differences between these two distinct leagues, though purists contend that GHDWL rules supersede all others.  One obscure rule that is important to this particular story, is that according to judges of the Greco Herculean Dionysius World League, champions may only be crowned on the last day of every month preceding a leap year.  This rule defines 1988 as a a strategically important year in that the victor of any match held on the last day of the month could conceivably remain champion indefinitely, until a rematch is scheduled to an appropriate date.  All match scheduling is arranged by the president of the league.  Coincidentally, Sylvestor Stallone was elected president shortly after Elton's victory.  Sly has never relinquished this control.