Last night, ABC World News Tonight reported that the lead singer of The Hardcore Jollies, Lynx Rufus, has spent the entire month of January in New York Presbyterian's intensive care unit battling an unknown illness. For weeks doctors were bewildered by the peculiar symptoms of his condition. It was immediately clear that Lynx was experiencing abnormal hormone levels. An initial prognosis by doctors determined that Lynx's extreme mood swings and emotional outbursts were obvious indicators of the elevated levels of estrogen surging through his body. Additional symptoms included acne outbreaks, vocal irregularities and spotting in his underpants. Soon doctors were able to pinpoint the cause of his ailments.
Recent outbreaks of "The Bieber Fever" have been popping up all over the country and no one is immune. This trend is especially startling because of its increasing prevalence amongst musicians. When asked about Lynx's condition and its effect on the band, rhythm guitarist Richie Levi replied(in a soft gay voice), "I've had some pretty nasty things before, but its never stopped me from having two Fridays and a Saturday." Our reporters have obtained shocking video footage of Lynx's latest collaboration with today's biggest and brightest child pop sensation, Justin Bieber.......
Lynx and Justin mixing it up
1 comment:
That's really sad. I have a cousin who almost died from Bieber Fever. Try throwing dirty dishrags at his face for a couple hours and then having him chew on a rusty hubcap from a brown Nova. That's what saved my cousin. I hope Lynx gets better. If his titties keep growing tell him to give me a call. This shit ain't sexually transmitted, is it?
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