For K-mart stockroom worker, Hector Martinez, last Wednesday began like any other day of the week. He awoke at the early hour of 6am with a hangover and a feeling of regret. While listening to traffic and weather reports on his clock radio, he trimmed his toenails and prepared for another day at the job. A coffee, a buttered roll, a shot of tequila and a bump of cocaine before his hour long subway commute from Coney Island Brooklyn to midtown Manhattan were all part of his daily routine. Once at work supervisors berated him for a variety of inadequacies. Body odor, lack of english speaking skills, and general laziness were the usual complaints. And like clockwork, everyday at 10am, Hector along with his spanish newspaper, El Hoy, made a timely morning stop at the lavatory to evacuate the fecal remains of the previous days feast of beans and rice. But last Wednesday was different from others. Whilst pinching a jalapeno popper from his poop shoot, Hector unraveled a handful of toilet tissue only to find that a type written note hidden within the roll had unfurled and fallen to the floor between his feet. It was a letter from the Marcal Paper Products president informing Hector that he was a grand prize winner. Below is quoted text from the letter that was unfurled....
Dear valued customer,
My name is Edward R Marcal III, president and founder of Marcal Paper Products. On behalf of Marcal Incorporated, I'm proud to announce that YOU ARE THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER OF OUR ANNUAL CUSTOMER APPRECIATION AWARD! Coincidentally, this year's award goes to the consumer of Marcal's one millionth roll of toilet paper product.
Over the years, we have awarded our consumers with cash prizes and exotic vacations. As a token of our appreciation for your continuing loyalty to our product, this year we have chosen you to be the lucky recipient of our 2011 "Keeping It Green" environmental awareness prize. We embrace our 'green' heritage. Marcal is a pioneer in the recycling industry, producing 100% recycled paper products for over 60 years. By supporting us, you are supporting a cleaner and safer environment for our children's future.
At our home office awaits a check for the sum of $565. To claim your prize please call our reward redemption hotline at (401) 992-4029. Please have the SKU numbers located on the barcode of this letter ready when you call.
We look forward to hearing from you, and thank you again for choosing Marcal.
Last week Mitch Masterson, the guitarist for The Hardcore Jollies, was asked by Marcal to present a jumbo check to the winner of Marcal's 'Keepin' it Green' award. Here is a clip from the ceremony as seen on Brooklyn Community Access Television....
No comments:
Post a Comment